For me, with ex-T, it was ridiculously long e-mails. Marriage counselor seemed to be fine with any amount of contact—until I sent an e-mail with “I love you so much” that he misread as romantic live (even though I’d said that to him before) and apparently freaked out. So it can be hard to say what a T’s limit will be...until you hit it.

Current T has said he would be very up front with me if things are at all headed in a direction that would bother him—he said he wouldn’t wait till it reached a breaking point, that he’s the same way in his personal relationships—I really hope that’s true (he knows my history with MC, so he should be prepared...and he has better boundaries like charging for longer emails, only using text for scheduling. Still a bit worried though...(