I need somewhere to say what I'm genuinely feeling, and I unfortunately can't say it to my husband.

He has a new job opportunity in another state. He is miserable at his current job. We've had this discussion many times before, and he knows that our kids and I don't want to move anywhere. We have established roots and relationships where we are - we've lived here 9 years since he moved us here for his current job. Somehow, in that time, he has managed to make next to no connections to our community. When we talk about what we would be leaving behind, for him it's doing one activity that he likes here, but similar options would be available most places. He doesn't have any friends here, apparently. When we go out and socialize, it's apparently with 'my friends'. Which is hysterical, because I only have a couple of deep friendships and am basically a complete introvert, while he's a complete extrovert.

We know no one where he wants to move to. He knows one person well who would work in his office. He would be doing a different job than he has now, and one that involves several major tasks - one which he will likely enjoy and two which will likely make him incredibly bored, irritable, frustrated, etc. Because he wants to get out of where he is now, he only sees the positives. Because I want to stay here, I can only see the negatives. And, objectively speaking, there's really only ONE positive, which is that he will get to be in a different, shiny, new job away from where he is now.

Anyhow, I'm incredibly upset over all this, particularly because we've had the discussion multiple times, every time coming to the agreement that we're not uprooting our family to move for greener grass for him. And what he says to me now is that he just wants the decision to be made - if the possibility isn't there, he can shut it off and not look at it. But he wants to explore it if it's a possibility for our family.

Which SOUNDS reasonable, except the possibility has ALREADY been discussed and closed many times. Which tells me that this discussion will NEVER end until he gets what he's after, but he will continue to couch every discussion in these terms that make him feel like he's not being selfish and prioritizing his wants over the rest of us. (Ex., he keeps saying we're his number one priority, he knows how rooted we are in the community, he knows how important it is to us to stay here, our family is most important to him, he wants us to decide together, etc.)

If all that is true, though, this discussion would not keep happening. And I'm exhausted - which I think is part of how he subconsciously works (I KNOW it's not intentional). Whenever he wants something that I don't, we discuss it to death until I just can't actually keep having the same damn conversation anymore, and we do whatever he wants in the first place. But somehow, he ends up feeling like we came to the decision together.

So now, we're back at this major discussion, with him wanting the one thing that will make the rest of us unhappy, and any option that keeps us where we have our lives already destined to make him unhappy. So I don't know how to tell him (again or in a different way) that if he really prioritizes us, he'll stop looking at greener grass for himself and figure out how to broaden his experience of happiness so that it can include more than just his work...