Rincad

I can't remember why you're not on medication? (Are you the adolescent from Bulgaria whose pdoc won't prescribe APs?? Sorry, if I've gotten you confused with someone else.) But meds could really help with paranoia. Basically, you need to be able to trust your pdoc and T for you to benefit from working with them. You either need to reduce the paranoia somehow, maybe meds, or see if switching pdoc and T would help? But if the problem is paranoia and not the specific people that you are currently seeing, you likely won't trust the new ones either, which is why I suggested an AP...

In terms of talking to your pdoc or T, would writing to them be more helpful that trying to speak? You could write them a letter each and give it to them at your next appt or, if that's not for a while, send the letters to them to read beforehand. Also, explain why hospitalisation isn't useful for you, and why you feel that, and that you'd prefer to look at other strategies to cope with your experiences.

Wrt to speaking to your mum about what would be more helpful for you, for your message to have any chance of being well received and not being dismissed defensively, assertiveness skills could help. 'I understand...I feel...when...' Nothing blaming - so avoid you statements, like 'you don't understand me' or 'you're always really cold' etc.

So, something like "I understand that you might not know what to do to help me when I'm struggling, but I feel that doing/saying XYZ would help me more. Would that be possible?" or "I understand that it can be hard to support me sometimes, but I feel like we need to figure out a better way to respond to each other in those moments. Can we chat about things that might help?" Something like that might help?

All the best,

*Willow*