I don’t think trauma is a choice, just like nobody chooses to get cancer.

I do think we bear responsibility for doing something about our habits and patterns if they are negatively affecting us. If someone is always falling for unsuitable and unavailable people, or constantly loses all emotional self-control and alienates those around them, for instance, and they know it’s a pattern but don’t do anything about it, that is a kind of choice.

The key is knowing there’s a problem and having an idea how to solve it but passing up that opportunity.

What happens to us is not a choice. What we do is. If nothing is a choice, then it’s OK for anyone to do anything they like.