Thanks for all of your responses- they have all given me lots of food for thought.
I am a firm believer in if we are aware of our choices and circumstances, yes, of course we can chose but if we are not aware or acting out of our unconscious then we can’t possibly be held responsible.
I think that because of my phenomenology and my environment being single is not a choice, it’s a survival technique and t really has no idea or understanding because she has a family, a husband etc, etc.....