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I tend to go more with the idea I have a lot of choice. For example -I did not choose for my person to die or to have the massive grief that I have around her death, but I do choose what I do around that grief.
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Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde
Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
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