Depressme,

I'm really sorry you're having urges. My addictions Dr. always likes to say "The drug does what the drug does and we want it for that reason." I can really relate to wanting to feel good, although that's not the reason I drank - I wanted numb - it's a hard feeling to replicate when you know that there's a quick fix available. But try to remember how much hard work you've put into your recovery and that drugs are only a short term solution with a lot of long term negatives.
You can get through this, I have confidence in you.

Splitimage