I am currently a 19 year old adult ...
I have been physically and verbally/emotionally abused by my father.

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I have severe depression and anxiety and have had a history of self harm

My brother acts quite honestly as if he has been brainwashed agreeing with everything that his father has to say going so far as to say that me and him deserve all of these horrible things that have happened to us in our lives and he hardly ever defends himself when our father calls him retarded or yells at him about how he can't do anything right. I have been told by separate people that both PTSD and Borderline Personality (traits) were possibilities but anyone that I have seen says that I definitely have Depression and Anxiety.

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There are many times when I am either trying to get work done for my college classes or simply trying to keep myself sane in this kind of a household and he will pressure me even further telling me to “stop being a candy *ss and get s**t done around here” at other times he will say that I am being lazy and that he is tired of “dealing with my bulls**t”. It is extremely difficult for me to cope with all of this when I hardly ever get a break because I rarely have an opportunity to leave home and sometimes I just don’t want to because of my anxiety of being around people.

... I am not actively suicidal I do think about death I feel an unhealthy amount and I am passively suicidal in the sense I seriously feel that if I died naturally by some sort of accident I wouldn’t really mind. My father throws things such as phones, silverware, plates out of anger and then he says things to other people on the phone and in person as “she’s such a crybaby ******,
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He also made fun of me for even considering becoming a freelance artist when I was younger, laughed right in my face and told me to face reality and did similar things with all of my other interests.

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I am just unsure as to what steps I should be taking to get the hell out of here as quickly as I possibly can without as I said, being forced into some kind of shelter or on the streets. I really don’t want to give up on my dreams of actually having a positive future quite yet and I want to force my way through college but even that is a bit of a struggle as things are, I am seeing a therapist soon and I am taking all of the steps to attempt to help my mental health but it again is a difficult situation and my mental health I feel is declining simply by living where I am. I am unsure what sort of advice or wisdom anyone can provide me here but if nothing else I feel it could at least help to share a bit of my story here and hopefully let off some steam so thank you all for reading through this admittedly pretty long post.