It's ok mac. Sorry I said you judged me. I came here for others perspectives and because guilt is an emotion I deal with daily, to the extreme. Raised by a strict Christian family, so my values are still there but my options are fewer as a 50 year old woman. Good men can be very hard to find. I put too much effort in, trying to hang on to what I think is love. I just need to make myself take time alone.