I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult situation. I don't know as I have any particularly great suggestions for you either. I presume, from what you wrote, you have some mental health professionals in your life... perhaps a mental health therapist & possibly a psychiatrist. I probably don't have to tell you it will be important to work closely with these individuals. Posting here on PC, reading & replying to other members' posts can help too. At least I have found that to be true in my own case.

One of the concerns in a situation such as you describe, I think, is that one can begin to worry about worrying. You begin to notice some signs you interpret as perhaps being the return of your depression, or increased anxiety, & so you start to worry about it. Soon you find yourself worrying about the fact that you're worrying. It can become a vicious circle... one that can lead to a downward spiral. There are as you can imagine lots of articles, in PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of worry. Here are links to some of them:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...bout-worrying/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways...what-if-cycle/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-t...orry-thoughts/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-worrying-takes-over/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/catast...ase-scenarios/

I wish you well...

P.S. Here's another link. This time to an article in PC's archives that discusses strategies for recovering from a relapse. I just happened on this & thought it might be of interest.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-stra...rom-a-relapse/