EV,
I again can relate to what you are saying. I was asked the simple question this week, 'Who was the person you would run too when hurt, who took care of your scrapped knee as a child?' I struggled to answer this question mainly because I would have taken care of this myself.

I really felt like crap later because my mother would have loved for me to have run to her in times of need. She was always there, but I typically refused her help.

What made this question worse was, after I dismissed her presence in my life yet again, I realized that would have been her birthday that day. She is dead and I am still pushing her away.

This was another week when I simply say again.. "I'm an *****".