I struggle so much as my BPD has progressed with how to feel like a man. I have these melt downs and I cry on my girlfriends shoulder and I am scared of literally everything! How can you feel anything like a man when you feel so weak and helpless. In the past I could drink and that would take that away or probably it also made me feel strong but that has not been a option in quite a while and this constant feeling of being so weak sucks.

And sorry if this is coming off stereotypical but society obviously looks for a man to be strong and brave and I feel completely the opposite. Physically I am very strong and spend hours in the gym, but of course inside I feel a helpless and hopeless. My girlfriend needed me more on a emotional level early in the relationship and I think it makes it worse that she has become healthier and no longer needs me in that way. She would have panic attacks and I would talk her down from them holding her and I think this helped by feeling needed. Now I am just the needy mess that searches for constant assurance and affection...