Yesterday I talked to the one that purposely OD'd.I asked if it was ok to talk about it first,of course.We talked about the reasons why she did it,how she felt afterwards,my reactions,how I felt,etc.

It was very helpful for me.It made me do some deep soul searching afterwards.Of course I would never telk her but it boils down to fear of losing the other person.My feelings for the one that accidentally OD'd are way different and my anger and reaction are fear of losing them to another OD.And I can't imagine how lost I would be without this person.I'm angry because I came so close to that loss.I'm afraid to allow myself to care so much now and chance going through that loss.

But,I also realize death can happen at any moment for any of us.And maybe I should just be grateful they survived and not punish them for it.