I'm sorry you're feeling so weak, scared & disgusted. I know something about being scared of everything as well as being emotionally fragile. I've spent much of my life this way. And you're right... it sucks. In my case I spent quite a few of my younger adult years being outwardly pugnacious in an effort to circumvent my inner timidity. (It never really worked all that well.)

I don't think what you wrote about how society looks for men to be is stereotypical. From my perspective, I think it is spot on. No matter what I did, I never felt as though I quite measured up. I still don't. Anyway... I don't know as I have any great suggestions for you here. I mostly just wanted to share some of my own personal experiences on the subject of feeling weak, scared & unmanly.

By the way, since you mentioned you spend a lot of time in the gym, there's a YouTuber whom you might find to be of interest, if you're not already familiar with him. His name is Noah. His channel name in Bignoknow. Noah is a weight lifter as well as being a young man who has struggled with depression, anxiety & also, in his case, low testosterone. I recommend Noah's channel highly. Here's a link:

https://www.youtube.com/user/bignoknow

I wish you well...