When does a victim that allows things to repeat become a perpetrator of their own undoing? I feel like I have hurt myself by not stopping it then, any of the more than 50 times. Sometimes I did get hit and even beaten up and left on the ground, just so I would know what it would be like if I told anyone. They would punch one or more of themselves or if it were only one of them himself so they could say I started a fight and they were in self-defence. I did once fight back. I stabbed one of them in the side of his knee with a compass. I thought that would get attention of everyone, including parents. He said he fell in their shed on a nail in a board. I feel like I've hurt myself more by never feeling safe enough to ask for help. I feel like I should have done something more than let it keep happening. It's my fault for letting it happen over and over.
It was about this time that I started occasionally stealing and using alcohol and tobacco and otherwise stole and/or destroyed all sorts of other things.
How many lives did I hurt because I didn't stop it?