Hopefully this will not be a "forever cycle". Black and white thinking can be extremely damaging. The world is not defined in black and white, but infinite amounts of grey.

I have learned the lesson this week that things do NOT have to be "I love you forever and always, completely" OR "I hate you", they can be "I love you", "I care about you", "You hurt me" without taking it to the extremes of black and white. A world of black and white can cause such a roller coaster of emotions. You need to allow yourself to be ok with the grey of the world.

I've learned this through talking with my therapist who is retiring soon about emotions of love and her not saying the words anymore. If you do not love me, you hate me. Which is not true. She loves me, but not at the complete end of the spectrum of "I love you and I can never leave you". You learn to be OK with the grey, with the ability to be flexible with the emotions.

This is such a struggle for me because in my childhood you were either the good child, or the bad child, you were loved or hated. There WAS no inbetween.

As for the connection. Connection can exist on a scale as well. I always imagine it like a dance with my therapist. At first we started out as people on opposite sides of the room, slowly coming together. Some days, we dance hand in hand, sometimes I am clinging to her and need to be as close to her as possible. There are times I am still connected but am only "touching" her fingertip to fingertip. The connection exists always though sometimes it may not be as close as you need...

I hope this makes sense! I have a cold and my head is kind of foggy. LOL