I think about my sessions a lot only because I want to get better and I dissociate so much that I actually have to record sessions and listen back when I'm more grounded. Some sessions are better than others depending on what we talked about that day.

I don't count down the minutes or days before my next session it's more of a I have to get ready for my next session. I tried a journal almost everyday so I know what's going on in my head and I will highlight different things for my journal that I want to talk about in the next session I like to be prepared otherwise I feel like I'm wasting both of our time.

I also think about my therapist a lot during the week not that I am attached or anyting but I guess I think of them like I think of anybody else in my life I remember the conversation I tried to tell myself what would he say so that I can deal with issues that come up in everyday life. I do not use any outside contact with him but I do try to use the skills that he teaches me so for that reason I think about him between sessions.

I would not say that I'm attached at all if anything I try to push away. Lately I've noticed that I may have some transference going on but not in the way that most people here refer to it. My transference is more negative. I have major issues and I know that I need to continue therapy but I go back and forth all the time with wanting to quit I'm trying to find reasons to quit without feeling guilty. Maybe that is what fuels my negative transference.

I do believe if he allowed outside contact though such as emailing or texting I would probably become very attached and dependent. I really don't want that so I'm glad that he doesn't do outside contact.