I think that maybe you should consider trying a different therapist...maybe someone with a different orientation? Cognitive therapy instead of psychodynamic or vice versa? If having a "paid friend" was keeping you stable and safe, then I don't see anything wrong with it. But since you have been hospitalized several times, then it seems like maybe you need something different.

I've been in therapy off and on for well over 10 years, but I do think I have made progress (although lots of setbacks too). I've also had maybe 6 different therapists? It's not that I have hated any of them (ok maybe one), but it seems like after awhile I run out of things to say to them, or they run out of techniques. It just seems like a change will shake things up and I'll make faster progress for awhile.