CC,
I found your post very interesting. I know what you mean about being suffocated into darkness. I was diagnosed with Depression and anxiety and lately I have been doing some reading on OCD. I think I may have that too. I plan on talking with my T about it at our next appointment. I don't really have any advice to share as I am in the middle of my own depression but I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. My Doctor did tell me that coming out of depression is a slow and painful process that will not happen overnight. My thoughts are with you and I sure am hoping for that magic happy pill as well. Hang in there.