Been afraid and alone all my life - I didn’t think it could get harder but it has. The challenge is to continue breathing and find another reason when all the others have been inadequate. What am I trying to say - I don’t know and that is the sad part. There’s nothing outside - there’s nothing inside. I don’t know what any of this means I just feel like stopping. It’s cold - I’ve always had a mattress just never a reassuring whisper. Jesus, I only want one break - I keep telling myself I deserve it but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I will go out the door wondering and cursing the whole damn project. I disappeared a long time ago......