jDNA - can you do something creative to show yourself ways your T has been there for you or even something that speaks about/to your fears. I'm sorry to see and hear you are struggling again. I wish I knew what words would help reassure you that it's not that your T won't give them to you, it's when will he tell you. It's so hard waiting and trusting that they will come. And they will. Those self doubt internal voices and your external voices can get so loud.