I'm trying to work through some issues that came up in my last psychosis. I can't talk to anyone about it all because some of the matters are still before the courts and, given the glacial pace so far, could be for awhile. Suffice it to say I acted out of character and I did some things against the law, and I did some bizarre things too, and I did more than what I've been charged with, but I can't be absolutely sure of that because my memories could be false. I could have been hallucinating and didn't realize it. I don't feel it is safe to talk about those things with anyone including my pdoc because I could be putting myself into further legal jeopardy.

I wonder how many people really believe there is a legitimate 'not guilty' by reason of . a mental defect, or 'not criminally responsible' plea. If this is the finding is that person really not guilty?

Do you have to be floridly insane so that anyone can see something is wrong?

I think not... What often happens in psychosis is that it can be compartmentalized so you won't see the delusions unless you are dealing with certain topics. Such a person can become dangerous because they are capable of organizing and committing acts and also have paranoid beliefs. I believed there were people out to spy on me and some were trying to harm me. It was a well developed and elaborated belief system. I truly believed it at times... I would fall in and out of believing the delusions.

I single out paranoid because i believe it is the type most associated with violent acts. For instance if you believe people are out to kill you, then it is more likely you will break the law to avoid that outcome. Now that I know how deeply paranoid I can get, when the police start showing up at my house regularly... that was a trigger for me to get more and more suspicious so it became a viscous circle.

Now I just take my antipsychotics every day and I don't have those thoughts.

I am probably not criminally responsible but that plea may end up with much more time incarcerated than any other option.

There is room in the justice system here for 'diminished responsibility'. It comes in the form of sentencing for various offenses and also what the prosecutors end up seeing as a good outcome for the situation. This isn't always the maximum penalty possible.