I was married & living with my H for 33 years. It was the worst time of my life except for what our 2 computer engineer career life could provide thoygh it was OROOF that things don't make us happy either as I was finally able to walk away from it all regretting those years I wasted being so miserable & depressed.

Yep, I was 54 when I started life all over. Bought myself a farm in a little town 2100 miles away from where I lived all my life. I knew no one but talked to everyone. Got involved in my community & very involved with my relatiobship with God. The whole situation was like it allowed that person trapped inside of me all my life to finally come out. My parents had been just as dysfunctional & unable to emotionally connect as my H but I NEVER saw it until I was finally away from it.

Yes, it the problem is internal to ourselves it will folliw us whereever we go, otherwise leaving can be like unlicking a door to a NEW LIFE.

I always found that when I really needed to do something & really didn't feel like doing it, I had enough abiluty to kick my own self in the rear & go do it. Sometimes I would procrastinate till it got so bad I couldn't tolerate it any longer which was the motivation to get into action.

Leaving was not easy as I was fighting with PTSD that happened when my mom was dying of cancer from a serious confrontation eith the home care person I caught abusing my mom with the last straw, OD'ing her on her morphine. I was struggling with anorexia caused by the stress I was going through but when I finally snapped with my H & my anger at his behavior caused me to literally see red I KNEW I had to escape.

We are all capable of change but not all ate willing to do the work it takes. After moving & finding an awesome T, I spent 2 years in an intense DBT program. That along with everything else has given me the happiest life I have ever had now after almost 65 years of life (I left my marriage 10 years ago)