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tajk said:
All I use to do was get into trouble. I live in a small town and most people know me as the crazy girl. Who is either getting into trouble and is the center of attention or who is to depressed to talk to anyone. To make matters worse I have an over achieving family and that makes me the screw up. I was diagnosed a year ago and even though I haven't had the manic episodes in about six months I think I will always be the crazy girl in this town.

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this sounds exactly like me. i go to the pool in the summer every year where there is everyone who i grew up with & i dont say a word to anyone. in the midst of so many people i feel completely alone. i often feel like people avoid me cuz they think im the crazy girl & stuff ive done & it hurts & i have no friends. the two friends i did have when i was younger--one time one of them told me they had a conversation about me having mental problems. ever since then ive completely cut myself off from them i feel so embarrassed. sometimes i wonder why im even here. i feel sad alot more than i feel happy. last halloween on a whim i put on wild makeup slicked my hair back with gel & put on this really slutty outfit & was going to peoples houses saying trick or treat with my candy bag & cigarette in another hand. i was practically just running over little kids. alot of times i feel like my own family is ashamed of me except for my dad cuz alot of mental illness runs in his family & it just hurts. and people wonder why people self medicate. not that its an excuse to turn to drugs or alcohol cuz theres therapy & resources to help instead of turning to self destructive stuff thats just gonna make stuff worse. ive got so much more i could tell about my behavior in mania but ill save it for another reply. i feel like crying after typing this.