September,
Your mom....I'm sorry you had to grow up like that. I have never felt good enough for my mom either. It was always "your wasting you rtime with that job" even though I really enjoyed it "you'de be so pretty if you lost weight" I wasn't that overweight and I was pretty. I don't think my mother ever meant to hurt me but she has said many things over the years and even now that hurt alot. My mother had a really unstable childhood and rough life but although I understand her a little more as I got older I can't excuse her.
I finally figured out that I wasn't all those things my mother said or sometimes didn't have to say. I am me and I am just who I want to be. It's not up to her to decide how I should live my life or if I am good enough.
You may never understand your mom completely or know why she couldn't have just loved you for you but I think you have a good glimpse into her life and can realize that it wasn't you who was or is mixed up, it's her.
I can only think that all those things she said to you, her poem, all the things she did, were things she heard from her own mother. You never got a chance and no matter what you did it wouldn't be good enough because like she said "You didn't let me make out of you what I wanted". She was your mother. She was suppose to love and support you in YOUR choices.
I am sorry that your life and the situation with your mom has been so hurtful. I know what it is like to feel like a disapointment. Just try to remember it wasn't us, it was them.
Specially big hugs,
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley