Jess, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be cared for. I am so sorry that the hospital failed you. I do see it that way, honestly.

You did not fail them and you did not fail your therapist. By showing up to your therapy appointment on Tuesday and talking over this past week with your T, you will have succeeded.

At this point, every day without another OD and every day that you wake up alive is an absolute success. I have days that that is honestly the most I can manage, I absolutely get it! Whatever it takes to stay alive is what it takes. Alive is what matters.

Also, the whole "hospitalizing people with BPD is pointless" part I think is a dangerous mindset. A person with BPD can still be severely suicidal and pose a danger to themself, and if that is the case, they NEED to be hospitalized! Having BPD should not matter.

Please, do what you need to do to stay safe until you see your GP or your T and be completely honest with them, do not hold back anything. They need to know the severity of the situation to handle it properly.