My brain has just turned to mush and I am having a hard time thinking at all.

I initiated the idea that I was wasting his time. Just before that I felt so odd and weird strange I find it hard to explain. Maybe it was a flight response to him pushing my button.

I have DID (and a few other issues) and when he talks about stuff there is a high chance that my voices is changed and I lack the ability to control something that is coming out of my mouth and I dont like it. I am embarrassed by it. I have seconds to respond inside my head before I am lost and they are out. Somehow I have learned to get control of those things before he can trigger them. He wants to talk to them. He has told me that before. I think they are kids that were never allowed to talk. And I am not helping. He feels like he is hitting a wall.

He may be right. Today I got a phone call from his office saying he was going away for a few weeks in April. Least that's one month off that I wont see him. It makes me sad that he is going away. Reminds me how empty my life is.

I have written heaps to him and since I saw him last about what we talked about, much more than I normally would. .............

My brain hurts.