I definitely understand how you are feeling. It’s gotten very hard to do things as my condition has gotten worse.

I am lucky, I guess, that I have husband who helps out with cleaning and most of the cooking. But I still have to deal with all the the things for our kids, any cooking that requires planning, and it’s very draining. I used to try to cook breakfast in the morning, but lately I just put bowls, spoons, and a box of cereal on the table and they get their milk after they are dressed - I call it the bipolar mom’s breakfast. Then I just sit on the couch covered with a blanket, depressed, verbally instruct them to get ready, until my husband takes them to school. I am so glad they are 8 and 10 and can do basic daily tasks on their own.

I am having problems keeping our bills straight too. I’ve always been the one to pay the bills, but lately I told him he needs to take over most of the finances, because I just have the concentration to do it anymore. He hasn’t really though, because I can’t get myself organized enough to tell him what to do. I would have our bills on autopay (though never credit cards) if we actually had the money to not be about a month behind on everything, except rent.

I don’t work, I really don’t need to, because my moods are so unpredictable. I’ve tried to do a home-based business with my husband recently, and it didn’t work because I had to do all of the initial work of setting up the business. I became manic then crashed down to extreme depression, and hospitalized with a mixed episode. We’re trying to do something similar, though much less stressful, and I can’t get the motivation to really get this started. I’ve always been the obsessive organizer, my husband is the doer, but you can’t do anything until you organize first, and that’s what I have a hard time doing. I used to do everything, and now I can’t do much of anything.

It would be so much easier if my husband had an actual job that took him out of the home, but he doesn’t. And honestly even with the motivation issues I have, I think I’d be so much better off if I were alone, only had myself to care about. I hate feeling that way, but when you can’t concentrate enough and have mood swings bad enough to keep you from working, you have little motivation to work at home, have 3 other people in the household to worry about, and the only income is your disability, it makes it so hard to not want to be alone. And I think it actually makes me less motivated to do things.

It’s hard, it’s just so hard dealing with this. I wish I knew what to do, but know you are not the only one who feels this too.