Thank you....

My eating disorder is different from my friend... and I have alway strived for health... and have not lived in "denial"... she lived in "denial"... and was very different... and yes the "snarling" happened with her... and the refusal to get a feeding tube...I begged her to get one..

For me... I feel right now that I live in the world of the "unreal".... because I have actually asked for help... from my son.. from my two friends.. and yes.. I know hard to understand being turned down...and I have talked specifically about what would help... I guess IRL.. I am what you call "mellow jello",, for the most part... so they aren't concerned about me ever "snarling"... it is a rare day that happens...

For my best friend... she is just "too busy" and we have talked... she does not want anyone including her husband to know I have a mental illness... so she takes great care to keep it a secret... even after 29 years...

For my son... he is very self involved... and does not want to bring "pain" or "worry" into his life.. his ex girlfriend.. who he lives with.. has told him my eating disorder is my fault.. and to help me.. would be enabling me..

My other friend... is into chariety work that "shows"...that is very important to her... so organized events... church related events.. and such...

I talked to another friend.. today.. of about 23 years... we haven't been in touch... but our passed friend was mutal...and he basically told me.. "it is your fault"... you need to "fix" this... but again... no help..

my friends are all retired...

so that is me.... "worthless"... to the people that "love" me...

I know... that this eating disorder is my fault... that I am doing it... but help...IRL would be so very appreciated...

when I talk about "weak"... I mean I am physically weak.. that I am exhausted.. that my asthma leaves me breathless.. that my fibrom pain... leaves me in pain.. that getting food is a physical trial... that fixing food is a physical trial... that I easily become exhausted...