I am sorry you have turned your anger inward (((SorryShaped))), and if you did not correct whatever you experienced that resulted in something bad taking place, it's because you simply did not know "how" at the time so you instead did not react. Instead of continuing to turn your anger inwards, you deserve to work towards self forgiveness. I know this can be challenging because I have had to work hard on that myself in that I blamed myself for not recognizing something soon enough and I ended up facing a great deal of loss because of it. There have been times where I just did not see something the right way that resulted in something bad happening, and it's taken me time to sort through these situations where I forgive myself and learn how to gradually accept that I simply did not do something "right" to prevent.

Holding this "in" and constantly self blaming and self hating is just being unfair to yourself as a human being.