This may sound harsh, that's not my intent. But you and only you have the decision to make whether you'll OD or not. I've been where you are, when ODing feels like the only option. Thankfully I survived. That's not assured.

I'm sorry your pdoc just shut down his practice without referring patients, that's malpractice in my books. I hope you can get referred to another pdoc quickly, but I get the waiting lists in Canada.

I know you've just started it, but DBT saved my life, literally. I found it incredibly helpful in managing urges to self harm and drink, I'm an alcoholic. I too paid for it privately and it was the single best investment in my life that I made. I hope you'll get similar benefit.
I'm 48 so I'm significantly older than you, but my 20's and 30's were trapped in what I call borderline hell. Self-injury and drinking. It's only in my 40's that I've approached recovery. I've been SI free for almost 7 years, and while I'm currently in relapse, I've made progress on cutting back my drinking. I'm hoping it doesn't take you as long as me to "get it".

Stay safe.
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