Quote:
Originally Posted by Só leigheas
"Sometimes, I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes, I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past"
-Linkin Park, ' Easier to Run'.
It's another hard night for me. I'm so tired of these. I'm still keeping up with my meds but they aren't helping the memories and intrusive thoughts. Only thing that helps with that hurts me in a different way (alcohol, weed etc.). I'm so tired.
I know it's messed up to think like this. I know how my mind is working is going to be the end of me, but I can't stop it. I'm trying so damn hard to think in a different way. All of my trying seems to be futile at the end of the day.
Maybe I'm too screwed up. Maybe I just can't be saved. |
I totally understand. The thing is that the memories will always be there. The only chance we have is to learn to deal with them. Dulling the senses doesn't help, well maybe a temporary fix but not long term. So lets talk about what we know....okay? There are tools, maybe meds, maybe therapy, to help us deal with the memories but we have to find the right combo. That's the tricky and frustrating part. But we have the option to keep trying different things to find that right combo. I'm so glad you are taking your meds as prescribed. Good for you!!!
Now about death. What do we really know about that? Would it change how we feel? What if it doesn't, and we spend eternity feeling this way and no option of finding something to make it tolerable? I'm just not sure there's a comfortable life after death. How do you feel about it?