"Sometimes, I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes, I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past"

-Linkin Park, 'Easier to Run'.

It's another hard night for me. I'm so tired of these. I'm still keeping up with my meds but they aren't helping the memories and intrusive thoughts. Only thing that helps with that hurts me in a different way (alcohol, weed etc.). I'm so tired. I know it's messed up to think like this. I know how my mind is working is going to be the end of me, but I can't stop it. I'm trying so damn hard to think in a different way. All of my trying seems to be futile at the end of the day.

Maybe I'm too screwed up. Maybe I just can't be saved.