I'm actually starting to feel angry and resentful. In his last msg he said he was concentrating on fixing him for himself and I was to grow up and stop being selfish. I was there for him always. Am I really selfish for thinking about me? I suffered the effects of the coke too I was the one that docs sat down and told me they had to anaethetise him because his heart would give up otherwise and he would be dead. Aaaarrrrgggjhh