I can’t go now, I slept too late. I know my family doesn’t want me to leave. My husband and my kids love me. And I love them. But I can’t handle simple stressors in my life, they sent me over the edge. And having to take care of myself kids, support our family financially, and having a husband who thinks he is doing everything but really does very little, I can’t handle it. They are all stressors. I love them, I know my husband tries to support me emotionally, but when I get into states like this he can’t help me. And gets offended when I won’t talk to him. He wants me to talk about everything, like there is a reason I’m upset, the reason is I’m just sick. He tells me to calm down, like that’s gong to make anything better. Sometimes I feel like he “gets” my illness, but lately he just has no clue.

I can’t leave, I couldn’t handle the guilt of taking the car and my kids not having a way to get to school. But my husband always goes to sleep after he drops them off, I could text my mom to pick the girls up and leave, drive to hospital in Durham. I have nowhere else to go. The girls can stay with my mother for awhile. They did when I was last hospitalized, because my husband claimed h3 wanted to get the house cleaned without them there. The reality is he had no idea how to parent without me, he better learn, our kids will not stay with my mom indefinitely. What a cop out. The house wasn’t even that clean five days later. And can’t believe my other plan didn’t work. I don’t know anymore.

I’d rather drive myself on my own, then just have my husband come and pick the car up later. But I don’t want him to visit me. It’s too long of a drive. And I really want to be left alone. It’s the only place I can think of to go. Don’t think I could handle a car ride with him there, but i’ll Tell him where I am later. Not my ideal plan, but at least it gets me away from here, just wish it could be longer.