Your son may do that because he's closer to your wife (for this). I see more behaviors and looking for advice then his dad does, even about boy things. Not saying he's not close to his dad he is but just in a different way. If you can get him to a therapist. Is he on meds? I know when my husband gets involved with a situation I'm handling it's just adding fuel to the fire because then no ones on his side, everyone hates him, or his paranoia spikes. Plus it undermines my authority which causes more issues later on.