Parents need to be on the same page with a child, young or old. Your son is going for the soft spot (your wife). If you're not together as a team, he's going to use whoever gives him what he wants.

My daughter was a hellion as a teenager, but my husband and I worked as a team. She did wise up and admitted she needed help. She's almost 21 and going back to therapy for her anxiety and depression. I can't say that we wasted a lot of money for therapy and meds for her, because it at least planted the seed that she needed to get help for herself. Working, going to college, and living with her boyfriend has matured her quite a bit.