I'd breath better if my nose wasnt stuff and my throat wasnt raw right now lol.

But seriously... its hard for me to think of the other night as anything other than a failure. What good does it do me or anyone if I cant remember what happened? Thats a thought that has been constantly goign thru my mind . And I dont know what the hell to do about it now. I know I am not ready to go back out anytime soon.. not if this is going to happen again. And the dreams of my dad being carried out and being put into a herse are still happening. I dont know if this is cause of February being a peak time for things to happen to him. He's had TIA's and a couple full strokes and a heart attack all around the week of the 20th of Feb. That is a significant date that has meaning to us. I dont know what this dream means .. and I am scared that it will come true. I guess to sum it up.. i feel a mess.. I feel sick emotionally and physically, I feel betrayed by my mind , and I feel angry and hurt that my so called family have made me the scapegoat for their insecurities with their relationship with our dad. I'm so sick of being treated like I dont count.