Remembered more. Remembered what we were watching when he did it. Remembered what he used to watch. So difficult. So hard to realize anything positive... why will it always be my fault? intellectually, I'm losing out... I know what should be true, but maybe it is not.

It wont stop playing in my head. It wasnt rape. It wasnt that bad. It was something I deserved. Now I'll never be able to forget. I wish I wish I hadnt remembered.

More dissociating for me so no more writing.