I'm really sorry to hear all this. You're a good person! Do you know how to tell? The mean people don't torture themselves over the things they do.

You've suffered enough, friend.

Give yourself a break from the self-blame, if you can.

Let the docs sort out your meds, yes. This does sound like something chemical is going on. Combined with a challenging time of the year for you.

No wonder you're upset, poor thing