About two weeks ago, I went to the VA to see my primary care doctor. My arthritis has been getting worse and worse over the past six months. It was not so bad up in Georgia last year. I believed that maybe it had a viral cause. My primary care appointment was not until Feb. 15 but they saw me early. Of course my Doctor just said it was just old age. Anyway because it was not my scheduled date it took all day. I went in at 7:45 a.m. and did not get through until about 2:30 p.m. Then I had to wait on meds. So being the beer abuser that I am I walked over to the bar across the street from the VA. I did not have any money so I asked the bartender, who knows me, if I could charge $25.00 on my credit card for cash. She let me do it. So I had a few beers waiting on the pharmacy. When I walked back over to the VA, the pharmacy had not put the order in yet. Crap!! I gave them my ID and they put the order in. So I walked back over to the bar. I charged another $25.00 on my credit card. When I got my meds finally, I walked back toward the Veterans' Domiciliary where I live. But, I decided to walk past the Dom and have a couple of more beers at the pub just down the street. I still had some cash left. I was carrying my medications and a novel that I had picked up at the VA.

I remember going in and ordering a beer. The pub was crowded for a Monday. I remember talking to some people. I remember being in control and not being bad. When I woke up the next morning I had no memory of leaving that pub and getting back to the Dom. I panicked and looked for my meds, first, which were on the night stand. Then I looked for my wallet. Found it! Since I know that I am dissociative I just shrugged off the memory problem. A week later for some reason I looked in my wallet for my credit card and it was gone. Before I finally found it at the second pub, I learned about all the charges that I made. Two I remember and two I do not remember. It seems that I left the second pub and went back to the first and charged another $25.00 then I charged something at the Winn Dixie whiskey store.

Most people will just say that this phenomena was just an alcohol black-out. I drink Bud light so that I do not loose control. I do not have black-outs on Bud light. Secondly, I know that I did not drink any whiskey that night. I figure I must have bought someone else something. Thirdly, I know that I got back to the Dom before they locked the doors. That is at nine p.m. Otherwise the staff would have said something to me. (Told the receptionist about loosing the card on the following Monday when I realized it was gone.) Needless to say I canceled the card. I had not used it in six months and the first time I use it this weird crap happens. They had it at the second pub but I had to wait until the appropriate person came in. I had already canceled it.

I am trying to figure out what triggered me. I believe that maybe I ran out of money and got embarrassed. Sometimes being seriously embarrassed can trigger me to switch. Obviously you cannot interrogate people to find out what happened so I do not really know.