I went to my therapist and opened a whole can of worms. I realized part of the reason my anxiety is so bad is that I don't have a lot of support right now. I'm afraid of upsetting my mother by telling her how bad it is so I keep it in (story of my ****ing life). My one SIL just moved into a new house so I haven't seen her in awhile. My other SIL just had a baby she's super controlling and protective of the baby and I feel like she's trying to shut me and my son out of her life. THAT is just my perception though, I don't think that's actually true, I think that's my unwell anxious brain jumping to conclusions.

We didn't go over any skills to use because I needed to just talk. I wish I could see her more often right now but tuesday is the only day my mom can watch my son.

Oh, and I needed to sign up for workshops today for professional development day on Feb. 20 but they didn't open registration until 10am and I was already in class by then. By the time I got to register (2.30p) there were only a few workshops left. So, stupidly, because I wanted two half-day workshops, I picked a workshop about the impact living in a fatherless home has on a child and how it can affect their schoolwork, and a drug and alcohol workshop. Yeah, two of the most triggering subjects I could have possibly taken. I really am stupid. I didn't think about it till later. i'm going to be miserable the whole day. That was my own stupid *** fault!

Uuuugh....well i'll stop complaining now. i'm hoping it will get easier as time goes on. today was awful. I have zero, ZERO confidence in myself, which means I just stand there like a lame duck, which means the kids don't respect me as a teacher, which means they're assholes to me. and I have THREE more observations left.