Hi Charlie

The body is a complicated thing. Depression isn't just feeling down, it affects your physical self, just like a virus does. Sometimes you can get well from a virus or infection, and sometimes you need medicines or special care.

I get frustrated too when I can't make the depression go away. I know too well that feeling of suffocation, almost claustrophobic. Are you familiar with Harry Potter? Sometimes I feel like there are Dementors feeding on me.

Anxiety isn't just thoughts. You react. Your adrenal glands release cortisol, your heartrate goes up, your respiration increases, and maybe you feel a little shakey. I think that chronic anxiety is like a reflex. Your brain and body has reacted a certain way to something so many times, and it's really hard to change that. But it's okay. Take deep breaths and try not to blame yourself or think yourself weak for being unable to stop the reactions, stop the depression.

I was intrigued by your feelings about your hometown. I have very mixed feelings about my hometown. It is so much of who I was, who I am, but at the same time, it holds memories that I wish I could forget. And now, whenever I go there.... which is not very often... part of me feels nostalgic for the familiarity, and part of me wants to run away. I am always relieved when I drive back into the city where I now live.

*hugs*