In a word: Hell. I already have rapid cycling, and a mixed episode feels like rapid cycling on steroids.

Most of my manic symptoms are the rapid speech, racing thoughts, and extreme anger. My depression while mixed is the worst despair I can ever feel in the world, I fall into my deepest, darkest place when mixed. For example, I can have racing thoughts, get angry at myself or others because I can’t think clearly, then cry uncontrollably because of my anger, and suicidal because I can’t take all these emotions at once.

My therapist, and psych evaluators have seen me go from rapid speech, shaking uncontrollably, anger outburst, and crying into a chair, all within 60 seconds. Seriously. Being in a mixed episode is the most exhausting state I can ever experience. Since my moods often cycle multiple times within the same day, I seem to often stay on that thin line of rapid-cycling/mixed state fairly often. Which is why I feel so debilitated most of the time. Being on that line of rapid cycling/mixed I think makes it exceptionally hard to cope, I get overwhelmed easily, and mentally drained.