I've been in the pits too and know how it feels. As you know, if you are at the bottom, there is no other way but to go up and out. I feel the pain you feel and hope that you will somehow manage to take control of your pain and your life. It is good for you to reach out to others here. Please continue to write here and tell us what is happening. When I was in the pits, I wished I could have vented to somebody too. It would have made me feel better to have somebody to commiserate with me. I don't know where God fits into all of this. I believe to have a shoulder to cry on is more helpful than to bring up the subject of God at this point. I believe in God but don't think it is appropriate to talk about God when someone is feeling down and out. If we can offer support and a helping hand, this would be more beneficial. So, please continue writing and venting. Hopefully, you will find the appropriate help and support for your situation.