I know it's not terribly uncommon for one with bipolar to miss the manic states, and this is what I'm going through right now.

A couple months ago I entered the most intense mixed episode I've ever had to date. I recall it feeling horrible and hellish but at the same time everything seemed so beautiful. I was so upbeat in a self-destructive way. It was nothing like I had experienced before.

A big part of me misses the preceding hypomania as I was able to get so many things done and feel so positive about the future. I felt like a better person. I want to feel this again, despite the risks.

I guess I just need someone to talk me out of this way of thinking as I know deep down that it will only lead to ruin.