I need off of clozapine. And I need out of their practice.
If I'm off of clozapine it will be incredibly easier to find a new doctor. Last time I tried last year I got rejected by way too many places because they just don't prescribe it.
I'm also done with this practices shenanigans. When I call they dont relay messages to the doctor, even when its really important like "I'm in a mixed episode and if it gets any worse I'm going to be hospitalized." It takes them forever to get refills too. I stopped taking lithium because I was out for a month before they sent the script over. I also am now only taking 100mg of clozapine because I reduced my dose because I was going to run out before they refilled it, and now I cant get myself to increase the dose because of all the *******ed side effects ruining my life. And I'm sick of seeing a doctor two or three times and then being told that they're leaving. Also, my appointment tomorrow was supposed to be at 3pm, but today they called as a reminder and said its at 4pm. I called back to see if it was at 3 like I scheduled for or if they had just changed it to 4 without telling me. Yup. Either they ****ed up as usual or they changed it without telling me. Now, given I am a loser who sleeps all day and cant get a job and am sick of wasting money on failed college courses, this doesn't affect me too much, but I know if I couldn't make it at 4 they'd reschedule me at least a month down the road, when I kinda need to see him.
Even if I had a competent practice, I'm not sure I would stay on clozaril anyways. On the dose I supposedly need I sleep 12-14 hours a day, dont have any energy, emotions, or motivation the rest of the day, and I'm getting fat. Really fat. If I keep gaining weight at this rate Ill probably die from obesity before I'm 30. Even though I eat healthily and exercise during the few hours during the day that the sedation isn't as bad. And the blood work. At least every f*cking month, but usually more often because of how incompetent everyone is and that the blood work is only valid for a week. If I dont get the prescription within a week of my blood work, back to the hospital I go to get stabbed yet again. Clozaril also makes me sweaty, drooly, constipated, and hungry. And my resting heart rate is about 115 (too ****ing high) when before it used to be in the 60s. My doctor said this isn't a side effect, but Ive read the pamphlets the pharmacy gives you, and it is.
I'm done. And I'm not going to drive hours out of state just to find a doctor who prescribes clozapine who actually makes it to his appointments.
If he doesn't agree to take me off it, I'm taking myself off it. For ****s sake I probably know more about antipsychotics than most doctors Ive seen so I dont buy that "don't change your meds on your own" ********. Especially when DOCTORS ARE THE REASON I STOP MEDS COLD TURKEY WHEN THEY DONT CALL IN MY ****ING REFILL.
I know to taper off slowly. I'm not a ****ing idiot, but I will stop cold turkey next time I run out and dont have a refill.
I strongly believe I would be much better off if I had never sought help and just learned to deal with all this **** on my own.
My intention for this thread was to be short and concise, but I'm just too ****ing pissed thinking about all this. It's ****ed up, and one way or another this injustice is probably gonna end my life.