Hey to everyone. I am new here and apologize if my thread is not in the sub-section where it should be. Thanks to everyone in advance for possibly reading my thread and offering any help, thoughts, input and so on.

I am currently not in my relationship. My girlfriend dumped me in the beginning or November or so; however, much transpired then, before then and after then. She last left me with some texts after she hung up the phone on me.

She told me that she needed a break from me and speaking with me, yet she said so after and during periods of talking to me, conveying feelings for me and wanting for us to be in each other's lives.

There is so much to say that I am deciding to start the OP without a huge wall of text. She and I have not spoken in a little longer than two weeks. I have been devastated, heartbroken and so on since she broke up with me; however, since not speaking with her, I am in much more suffering, agony, anguish and more. I cry almost everyday. I want to speak with her, but I do not because I am trying to protect myself as well as most of what has happened and not happened, how she was and was not, what she did and did not, and so on.

For how ever long, she dictated if, when and how we would speak. Whether it was via facebook messenger call or text, she blocked me on everything else. She also controlled the conversations, the frequency of communication and so on. I, unfortunately, allowed her to dictate the conditions of communication; therefore, I accepted her control and abuse (I would assert that it is indeed abuse.)

(extremely short background)
I love this woman. We planned on marriage and having kids with one another. We moved to London together to attend two different grad schools and live together. My source of funds were personal savings. Conversely, her source of funds were supposed to be the leftover money from the disbursement of her federal loan that would pay for her tuition. Her loan allegedly never disbursed. I ran out of money because I chose to try to stay and pay for us both.

All the while, she seemed unconcerned about what was happening and insisted that I rent an apartment, even though I was the sole payer and my funds were rapidly decreasing. (Skipping some history,) we would talk about the circumstances, especially financially. I ran through lists of people to ask for money so we could stay and afford London. She told me that there was no one for her. Just before I went broke, we agreed to return back to the states. I bought a plane ticket for myself and was going to buy one for her, but she asked me if I already bought a ticket to which I said, "yes." She was upset that I performed such an action. With that said, she still said that she was coming back, but needed a few days for a "special approval" for the loan. She pleaded for me to continue spending money for her, even though I had barely any.

With hardly any money, I paid for her lodging for several days and a plane ticket home. She told me that she would be "homeless" or "living in a women's shelter" if I did not pay for her. I told her that I only had so much money to help.

I left, which I still regret to this day. After I did, all seemed fine with me and her. We continued to talk, speak lovingly, how we would move in together back in the states and so on. After a few days, I noticed that there was distance between us (e.g. not talking to me as often) and so on. I tried to find out what was happening, but she told me that she just needed a few days to finish the approval for the refund. She told me that me might stay, but she would need for me to pay for a plane ticket home if she was coming back.

After two weeks, she finally told me that she was staying in London. She did not tell me until she was certain that she could stay and had the financial means to stay. She told me that her parents were the party to fund her after I left because I had "abandoned" her. I asked her how her parents had funds for her then, yet they allegedly had no money when I was still in London with her.

I also noticed during those two weeks that she somehow had a working cell phone, yet pretended that she did not have one to me. She decreased in her interaction with me and would tell me that "if she did not want to talk to me, she would not." Additionally, she claimed that I should demand, force her and so on to chat with me. She asserted that I was being controlling.

She started to blame me for everything that happened in London and told me how horrible I was to her. She began to dictate communication as in if and when we would speak. She unfriended me on facebook, blocked me on all communcation apps (e.g. skype, whatsapp and more.)

She seemingly offered some attempts to repair and continue with our relationship, but as I tried, she would reject and dismiss my attempts. Moreover, she would refuse to talk about how money was a main reason why I left and caused our plans to be altered. She also refused to discuss how she never paid for anything, did not receive the disbursement of her loan and so on.

I apologized to her. I cried my eyes out to her. I accepted responsibility in what happened, in leaving, and more. I felt so horribly about what happened and how it did. All that mattered to me was her and being in each other's lives.

After two weeks, she broke up with me. As she did so, she denied what she was doing and how she was doing it. Despite my attempts to apologize, confide my love in her and much, much more, she claimed that I was solely responsible for the breakup and had caused her such stress, duress, traumatized her and so on. She seemingly projected her perspectives unto me, shifted the blame, deceive me, engaged in psychological manipulation, engaged in self deception and more. To the last day we speak, she seemed to exhibit the aforesaid aspects and behavior.

(There is much, much more before during and after the part of the relationship to which I have written.)

I tried and have tried to reflect on our relationship, to change how I am, to repent, to apologize, to lament, to accept responsibility, to attempt to reconcile and reconnect with her, but now, we are not even talking or in one another's lives... it kills me.