During mixed episodes, my anxiety is super high to the point of it turning delusional with racing thoughts that usually result in really impulsive actions. I'll often get paranoid. The depression is terrible, sometimes with thoughts of harming myself (or just thoughts of wanting it all to end, since it's such a horrible state of mind to be in), but it's a very agitated type of depression. Sometimes my anger will be really bad. I am often "all over the place" when I talk to people about my problems in this state and keep repeating myself, because I feel there is no way out, especially if I am beginning to get delusional. I have problems sleeping, because my thoughts will race.

Sometimes I'll get mad at the world and think everyone is out to get me. It feels like a mixed state is never going to end. I will cry and cry or panic and panic some more. The feelings of hopelessness and helplessness set in. It gets extremely hard to focus. The outside world can definitely tell there is something wrong with me in this state of mind. It's different than the kind of depression where you can hide it.