You said he hates you because you tend not to give in. I guess that's being a parent.

I have absolutely NO idea why your wife is letting your son call her names and get physical with her. And why is your son defining the boundaries? This seems so dead wrong. What is this teaching him about respecting all women???

He is out of control. Totally.

Let him hate you. You are his parent not his friend. You have a responsibility to raise him up in the best way possible.

Yes. I went through this with my son to a lesser degree. We actually went through the worst times when he was older and would come back for visits. It just took a very long time for us to establish an adult child/parent rapport. And learn authentic both-ways respect.

I can empathize here. What if your wife and you can't get on the same page? You have to ask yourself, "Will I look back and believe I did what I thought was right?" Slowing down, walking away, benign neglect. It's a tough time, a tough situation, and you need to keep calm.

My son's father and I divorced while he was a teen and his father remarried. A lot of my son's acting out had to do with that. It was a terrible time. His father and I were not on the same page. I just had to do what I thought was right.

And don't beat yourself up about it. If you do something and it seems over-the-top...well, short of actual abuse...you are the parent. If you felt your son needed to be physically restrained...and then later decided it wasn't the best move. Okay. It's okay to make mistakes. You are in that hellish territory of trying to bring a person (who has their own unique problems) into adulthood. In my mind toughest job on earth.

Probably no one is going to consider your needs because everyone else is too busy trying to get their needs met in the middle of a lot of drama. You just have to take what you need.

You're in a war zone! You need to keep yourself grounded and refreshed. You can walk away...literally and figuratively...to figure out what you need...you know...like every once in awhile. Like every day. Maybe more than once a day. I walked my dog a lot when my son was a teen. I just needed breaks. Teens are so dramatic.

I feel for you. Sometimes one wonders...will there be love at the end of all of this? Yes, there will be, if you stay authentic and true to yourself. Hang on, friend, hang on.